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Squash for the uninitiated: A Beginner's Guide to the rules, phrases and jargon of our crazy sport
By Alan Thatcher
Contributing Editor
Explaining the rules of squash is a bit like trying to describe cricket to an American. It's not easy.
So, next time you meet someone new to squash and they start pumping you with questions about the rules, feel free to make use of this simple glossary of terms.
TRIPLE BAGEL:
Winning 9-0, 9-0, 9-0
NICK:
The point where the floor meets the side wall.
DEAD NICK:
Shot that hits the nick and rolls flat across the floor. Unplayable. Stunning. Spectacular. It's squash's equivalent of a home run, a hole in one at golf or a goal in football.
LUCKY NICK:
Any old working shot that just happens to hit the nick and achieves the same result as above but without the style, drama or intent!
TAXI:
A cry often heard from the gallery when one player sends his opponent travelling in the opposite direction to the ball.
YOU CAN’T BE SERIOUS:
A cry often heard from referees when tired players, or those heading for a taxi, ask for a Let.
(Note: This is an attempt at irony and may not be understood by a North American audience.)
 LET:
Something tired players ask for when they can't reach the ball.
NO LET:
The usual response from a referee to the above situation.
STROKE:
A penalty point imposed by a referee when a tired player can't get out of the way of his own shot.
FISHING:
A term used to describe a situation when a tired player, who can’t get to the ball, runs into his opponent, drapes his racket around the guy's shoulders, and asks for a let, hoping to get a stroke. (See also: You Can’t Be Serious). Note: You're not actually allowed to ask for a stroke. That's the referee's job to decide. You're supposed to stop the rally, no matter how brutal the combat, wipe the sweat from your brow, smile at the referee and ask: "Let Please." Just like the scene when Oliver asks for more.
 GFY:
An abbreviation of a term sometimes used by a player whose opponent is guilty of fishing.
CONDUCT WARNING:
A call used by the referee to stop such language.
CONDUCT STROKE (OR CONDUCT GAME, OR CONDUCT MATCH)
A punishment given to players who fail to heed the Conduct Warning.
CORKSCREW:
A flashy, ambitious shot where the ball skids upwards off the sidewall, then on to the front wall, and spins over your opponent's head and (hopefully) dies in the opposite back corner.
MORON:
A cry often directed at himself by a player attempting a corkscrew who fails to gain enough height with his shot and gives up a cheap volley or a penalty stroke. (Various other cries can often be substituted for this one. Please refer to Conduct Warning). Corkscrew: known as a “Philadelphia” in North America.
DIRECT ACCESS TO THE BALL:
Something you must give to your opponent after playing your shot.
 BLOCKING:
The term used to describe the actions of a player who fails to allow the above. Should be penalised by a penalty stroke. Blocking is most frequently seen after a backhand drop shot when the guy who has just played the ball fails to get out of the way and the guy moving forward to play it can't get near the ball. The guy who has played the drop shot claims a winner and the guy trying to get forward wants a stroke. Cue arguments and discussions with the referee.
DOUBLES:
Blocking is also a constant irritation in doubles, where four players occupy the limited space usually enjoyed by two. British doubles is played on a singles court and blocking is not punished by a stroke but bouts of witty, middle-class English banter (See GFY for an American interpretation). At least in America and Canada the doubles courts are massive, full-sized combat arenas, and, with typical North American directness, a simple solution can be found to deal with blockers. Any blocking there is usually punished by the guy in the way getting drilled in the nether regions by a ball travelling at 150mph-plus, causing a dartboard-sized bruise that changes colour as the seasonss go by. That usually instils a fight or flight response that triggers the urge to get the hell out of the way when you have played your shot. Because, if you don't, you know that pain - extreme pain - will follow.
YOUR CALL: What Squash Phrases & Jargon are used in your club, part of the world? We would love to hear from you. Please add a Comment below or email your suggestions to me at
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Read Previous Issues of The First Word
A Love That Never Dies
Every Racket Tells a Story
About the Author: Alan Thatcher is a journalist, event promoter and TV commentator. Alan recently joined Squash360.com as Contributing Editor. Come back each Monday as Alan offers his unique insight into the sport. In the weeks and months ahead Alan will interview key figures in the game and share plenty of stories from down the years.
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