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“Mom, Dad…I want to quit. It just isn’t fun anymore”
Many parents have heard that from their young athlete, but how do you react when your child says he or she has had enough? The initial reaction might be to go into a “winners never quit, quitters never win” rant. While you want to send the message that quitting is almost never the answer, it’s a difficult situation for everyone involved, one that often deserves a more thought-out response.
Quitting a sport is rarely a spontaneous decision, especially as an athlete gets older. Depending on the child, there can be a variety of reasons for his or her decision, and how you react depends on the nature of those reasons as well as your child’s age.
If your seven-year-old tells you, after playing soccer for just a few weeks, that he doesn’t like it and would like to try football instead, that’s fine. Yes, this is technically quitting the soccer team, but at that young age, it’s perfectly understandable for a child to want to sample a variety of sports. In fact, when children are younger than age 10, hop scotching from one sport to another is commonplace. You should at least mention to your child that quitting a team is not recommended, but in these early years, kids need to experiment with different activities.
When a 10-, 11- or 12-year old says she wants to quit a team or sport, however, you should remind her—in a reasonable, non-judgmental tone—that she did make a commitment before the season began, and that quitting is not something to be taken lightly. By this age, if the child really wants to leave a squad, she should be able to at least articulate the precise reasons why. Simply saying “I’m not having any fun” needs a little more explanation.
Some deeper, less obvious reason probably caused the child to say he’s had enough. It might be something surprising, such as teasing from a team-mate in practice, or perhaps the youngster senses that the coach doesn’t like her. Whatever it is, its up to you to sit down with your child and encourage her to open up about the decision.
During your talk, it’s good to reinforce the concept of commitment. Good old-fashioned principles like determination and drive will always be the kids of positive life sports. So remind them of their commitment to the team, to the coach, and most important, to themselves. They’ll probably feel a lot of guilt over giving it up, and they’ll likely develop a sense of accomplishment if they stick it out.
By the time your athlete is in high school, there are very few acceptable reasons to quit. Always remind your sons and daughters at the start of a season that when they go out for a high school team, they are making a serious commitment. At that level, it usually means practice every day, five days a week. The team and coaching staff are now relying on them to be there all the time, for the whole season.
I realize that the star player rarely quits the team. It’s usually the kid on the bench who works hard in practice but ends up with limited playing time. He often doesn’t get much more than the intrinsic rewards of being part of the team, and for him, it can be difficult to keep his spirits high throughout a long season.
But at some point, the desire to quite a high school team must be outweighed by the importance of accountability. If your child understood at the start of the season that she had to sick with it no matter what, she must be reminded of that when it gets tough. Not everything in life is meant to be easy, and backing out is a lose-lose for her and the team.
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